healing – Page 2 – Wafa El-Amrani

The concept of the “inner child” refers to the childlike aspect of our personality that retains our childhood experiences, emotions, and memories. Our inner child often shapes our behaviors, beliefs, and emotional responses as adults. When a child grows up in an environment characterized by both family solidarity and rivalry, the consequences can be profound and long-lasting. This part of the book, explores how these dynamics influence self-sabotage and success in adulthood.

Family solidarity refers to the bonds and support systems that create a sense of belonging and security within a family unit. Characteristics of family solidarity include:

Emotional Support: Family members provide encouragement and understanding.
Shared Values: A common set of beliefs and traditions that strengthen ties.
Collaboration: Working together towards common goals, fostering a sense of unity.

Family rivalry introduces competition and conflict among family members. This can manifest in several ways:

Comparative Success: Constant comparisons between siblings or family members.
Jealousy and Resentment: Feelings of inadequacy or envy can arise.
Conflict: Disagreements can lead to a breakdown of relationships.

When a child experiences both solidarity and rivalry, they develop a complex emotional landscape. The inner child learns to navigate conflicting feelings, which can lead to several outcomes:

Attachment Styles: Children may develop insecure attachment styles, impacting their adult relationships.
Identity Confusion: The struggle between wanting to belong and competing can create confusion about one’s identity and self-worth.
Emotional Regulation: Difficulty in managing emotions may lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Consequences in Adulthood :

Self-sabotage :

Fear of Success : Adults who grew up in competitive environments may fear success due to the pressure of living up to expectations or the potential for jealousy from others. This can lead to procrastination, avoidance, or undermining their own efforts.
Imposter Syndrome: Individuals may feel like frauds, attributing their successes to luck rather than ability. This belief can stem from childhood comparisons, leading them to sabotage opportunities to avoid being “found out.”
Conflict in Relationships: The inner child may struggle with trust and vulnerability, leading to self-sabotaging behaviors in intimate relationships. The fear of being hurt or rejected can prevent meaningful connections.

Success :

Overachievement: In some cases, the drive to succeed can become a double-edged sword. While it may lead to accomplishments, it often comes with high stress and burnout, as the individual feels compelled to prove their worth continually.
Inability to Celebrate Wins: Adults may find it challenging to celebrate their successes due to ingrained beliefs of inadequacy. This can lead to a cycle of striving without fulfillment.
Disconnection from Authenticity: The pressure to conform to familial expectations can result in a disconnection from one’s true self. Adults may pursue careers or lifestyles that do not resonate with their true passions or values.

conclusion :

The interplay between family solidarity and rivalry shapes our inner child’s development, influencing adult behaviors and emotional well-being. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for breaking the cycle of self-sabotage and fostering success. By nurturing the inner child and addressing unresolved conflicts, individuals can pave the way for healthier relationships, greater self-acceptance, and a more authentic path to success. Embracing both the supportive and competitive aspects of family dynamics allows for a more integrated sense of self, ultimately leading to a fulfilling and balanced life.

Excerpt from the book

Our Emotional Energy

It’s no coincidence that your man drives you crazy, or your woman pushes you to your limits.
It’s a mirror—a brutal mirror, but so precise!
It reflects your unhealed childhood wounds.

When she looks at him, he looks away.
When she asks questions, he shuts down.
When she approaches, he pulls away.

What does she really want? It’s not a man. It’s a dad—the one who was never there for her, offering no attention or affection.

What does he flee from? It’s not his woman. It’s his mother, the one who controlled everything, who suffocated him, who manipulated him.

You are not toxic. You are wounded.
As for love, it exposes everything.

So you try to love while getting hurt, believing that the other will fix you. But no! Love does not heal. It awakens and demands that you confront what you unconsciously flee from. Love throws it back in your face without any delicacy.

What if he wasn’t the problem? What if she wasn’t either?
But rather, what love triggers or activates in your body—an emotional memory from childhood that is still there, buried and unconscious—and what if it gets activated through new experiences, and triggers without even knowing?

It’s not the relationship that makes you suffer. It’s the emotional memories that this relationship awakens like an absence, a fleeting gaze, a prolonged silence, and boom! Your internal alarm system goes off. Not because it’s serious, but because it’s familiar.

Your body hasn’t forgotten what your mind has tried to bury. That partner who ignores you? He reopens the wound of the absent father, the one you waited for so long at the door.
That person who is too present? She presses on the wound of the suffocating mother, the one who taught you to fade away to deserve a little love.

It’s not the other. It’s what your nervous system has never digested. As long as you haven’t released the emotions stuck in your body, you will keep falling back, again and again, into the same infernal circles

Unstable attachment
Fear of rejection
Irresistible need to please
Fear and panic of being alone

The truth is, understanding is not enough. You already know everything! You’ve understood it all. You’ve analyzed everything. You’ve cried for a long time. But nothing has changed! Because what you are experiencing doesn’t come from your head; it comes from your body, from that emotional memory engraved in your body, along with its wounds and regrets.

What you call “love” is often a conditioned attachment.
What you flee from in the other is often a ghost from your past.
What you believe to be bad luck in love is often a transgenerational emotional program.

The good news?

In the healing process, everything transforms into a profound sense of inner strength and resilience. It fundamentally changes you, allowing you to emerge as a powerful being by releasing negative emotional memories that no longer serve you.
This transformation occurs as you heal the deep-seated father wound, fostering growth and empowerment. It also changes you by guiding you to let go of the burdens associated with the mother wound, paving the way for a more liberated and fulfilling existence.

Excerpt from the book
“The Little Voice of my Inner Child”